NEW Floories Exotics: Gorrito, Slothapuss, Konkey, and Snark capsules!
Step right up dear patrons, and behold our humble carnival’s latest animal attractions, all the way from the distant shores of Hyland Island. Though they may appear frightening and outlandish, I assure you that they’re fully domesticated, and friendlier than a wet dog. And how did Mr. Mephisto manage to tame these savage beasts? With a secret mixture of herbs culled from the deepest jungles… aw, heck, I’ll just tell you: I used (in varying quantities) kratom, kanna root, kava kava, and blue lotus. And now, without further ado, I present to you (drumroll, please) the Floories Exotics!
To your right, is the hulking Goritto (kratom, kava kava, and kanna root)! He’s got the confidence and swagger of a mighty gorilla, and practically buzzes with enthusiasm and energy. He’s the life of the party, and is gainfully employed on the side as a luggage tester.
Next, train your eyes on the Konkey (kratom and kava kava). This playful critter is a truly faithful companion, capable of shouldering burdens, schlepping stuff around, and staying cheerful in spite of the constant kvetching of others. Now, if only I had a few more of these konkeys, I’d fire each and every one of these layabout carnies! Relax, I’m just joking… now look busy!
Speaking of layabouts, watch carefully for the somnambulant Slothapuss (kratom and blue lotus), as he doesn’t move much from his place in the shade! This bizarre cross between a sloth and a platypus would rather idle away his days lazily dreaming than do anything remotely resembling work. Like my assistant Clancy, except better-looking.
This brings us to our final attraction, the elusive Snark (kratom and kanna root)! Though you might expect a half-shark, half-snake to be a fearsome creature, he’s really quite agreeable, especially if you’ve got some of his favorite leafy green herbs on hand.
Should you or any other wild beasts in your acquaintance (speaking in the figurative sense, of course) wish to have a bit more vim and vigor, a more positive outlook, or freedom from worries or stress, visit the gift shop on the way out, and be sure to pick up a pack of these Floories Exotics capsules. Hey, what do you get when you cross a skunk and a duck? A fowl smell! I kill me, dear patrons… alright, move along.