Ah dear patrons, it’s lazy summer days like this that I like to recline in my folding chair on the midway, watch the cotton candy clouds drift past, and daydream about all of life’s myriad possibilities. You know what would be Super-nice? Deep-fried rainbows, caramel carousels, or maybe even sabre-tooth tiger steak sandwiches? A date with the Four-legged Lady, or at very least, a working pair of x-ray spex like the kind in funnybook ads, so’s I can check out what goodies she’s hiding under those bloomers. Yowza! Well, a clown can dream, and I can still relax with some nice, cheap hooch and a smooth cigarette dangling from betwixt my fingers.
Fo’ shizzen, my nizzens, have we got a sale for you: buy any two Hizzen Energy Gems, get the second one free. Absolutely no promo codes, no strings or smoke and mirrors, just an easy-as-pie discount that’s automatically applied at checkout. What more could you want, dear patrons? Hoverboards, like the kind in Back to the Future, Part 2? Uh, sure, we’ll get right on that.
So what’s so great about Witches Wrath, Goblins Fury, and Wizards Fire, for those of you not hip to them already? Glad I asked! These nifty gems made from buzz button extract, raspberry ketones, PEA (Phenethylamine), and other natural and unnatural ingredients neatly dissolve in 2 liters of water, and the resultant elixir will give you enough energy to run all the way to Middle Earth and back, all while battling hordes of orcs and ringwraiths and what not. Of course, you could also stay home and play table tennis, if that’s your thing. Just be careful, because they’re made of potent stuff–avoid caffeine or other energy drinks or supplements for a full 24 hours after enjoying the exhilarating effects of Hizzen Energy Gems.
So what are you waiting for, chums? Get the lead out and get your Hizzen Energy Gems while they’re hot, because this sale only lasts until this weekend is over (June 9th). If you’re reading this Ballyhoo post after this ship has already sailed, turn that frown upside down–we’ve got sales galore, and a brand-spanking new line of mind-blowing Hizzen products slated for release in the very near future. Stay tuned, dearest patrons.
Blaze it up, you say? Let’s do it to it, dear patrons! Watch in amazement and hold on to your seats with a white-knuckled grip, as our world-famous daredevil motorcyclist Jimmy Flame jumps his stunt cycle through a series of consecutively smaller flaming hoops, all while his trademark skull helmet is set ablaze with napalm! I don’t know about you, but the suspense is just burning me up–I think I’ll soothe my inflamed nerves with some smooth tokes of Lazy Botanicals‘ latest and greatest hot new smoking blend, Blaze it Up, made from a nicotine-free mixture of traditional smoking herbs such as lobellia, kanna, and passiflora. These exotic ingredients have been smoked for thousands of years, to effectively ease stress, as well as stimulate the senses and enhance spiritual awareness. And of course, the inclusion of kanna in this blend makes it a potent potentiator for other stuff you may like to pack in your pipe.
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Call it what you will, dear patrons: guts, gumption, grit, chutzpah, cajones, sheer intestinal fortitude, or just a special kind of stupid, perhaps. Our courageous carnies accomplish the most miraculous feats of derring-do: sticking one’s head into the gaping maw of a lion; wrestling a ferocious alligator to the ground; or swallowing a 60-Watt incandescent light bulb whole. Sure, we make these acts look easy, but disaster almost invariably results when our patrons ignore our dire warnings and attempt to perform these cunning stunts at home.
Dark Matter’s runaway hit MEGA BLISS CAPS (2x Energy and Euphoria yadda yadda) are back in stock at Super Fun Cave.
We just thought you’d like to know, doncha know? Reviews are intensely good. These are an absolute must-buy if you like to break down and get down on the dance floor. 32 count, great price, same day shipping.